writers block

you’ve given me writers block and i am stuck
frozen in replaying thoughts and hiding in dreams
where words won’t flow to finger tips left tingling.
you’ve stopped my thoughts
in your whispered confessions and blurred realities
of tangled souls and ghostly kisses.
i am lost in finding meaning in sweet nothings
driven by late nights and shared spirits,
trapped by the inadequacies of tomorrow.
i am silenced by the truth of you
pumping though my veins, praying one day
starlight words can find their way.

One day

One day, my love
the second hand will tick forward
and we won’t be locked
in moments we can’t reach

One day, my love
beneath the stars
we will find more than dreams

One day, my love
even if we wait into eternity

One day

Don’t tell me to stand tall

Be quiet

Show no pain.

Don’t tell me to lift my head

shut my mouth

And control my emotions

In moments of agony and heartache.

Don’t tell me to swallow my hurt

when I am struggling and suffering.

My emotions are me.

They are strong and powerful but

They make me who I am.

My emotions are beautiful and powerful

Reflections of my soul

Whose flames lick through my skin.

So don’t tell me to be a good girl

And stand tall.

Accept treatment

That no one else would.

Don’t tell me to hold my tongue

And silence another voice.

Don’t tell me to embrace

The chains that weigh down

The legs of women who try

To step forward.

Don’t tell me to be silent

Just because you think

Silence is golden.

Sorry

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry i wasn’t enough for life

to deliver joy

or beauty

beyond the superficial me

I’m sorry.

I wasn’t enough to survive

the purple and blue

or the shades of yellow that followed

in the darkest moments

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough

to survive you…

…or you…

or strong enough for you.

I’m sorry.

I tried to be brave and strong

and to live under the

golden lights

and the applause of those who

lose the moment

once it’s lived.

I’m sorry.

I tried to be everything for those who

needed the mould

and crushed my soul,

for those who thought that love

meant pain

and for those whose love

I craved but will never own.

I’m sorry.

For the moments when my love

broke yours

and choices I made drowned you

in waves of uncertainty.

And for the moments where I

wanted to get up

but the universe stood on me

with the weight of its steel toed boot.

I’m sorry.

The heaviness of false beauty carried

like cinder blocks

each moment adding another

brick of disappointment

when my heart

would blossom like

daisies in the sunlight

only to whither as the emptiness

of drought stepped in to remind

that the sunny yellow centres

live only for a moment.

And flowers only matter

when they shine.

But I’m not sorry

for the moments I chose

not to carry someone else’s burden

as my own

Or when I chose to take pain

and channel it to strength

I’m not sorry for the moment

I decided to lift the bricks

that weigh me down

I’m not sorry for ridding my soul

of your darkness

and for choosing to be brave

in moments of despair.

I’m tired of apologizing for

the things that make me

Me.

I’m not sorry.

Paint

For every piece of paint that you chip off

I will apply another layer

Until my skin is so thick

That you don’t hurt

Tornado

I need to walk away from your storm

and all the pieces of me it leaves behind

but I am pulled in to your tornado

and always left scattered in the wake

of your touch down.

Regrets

I wish I’d never told you,

shared that piece of my soul

for now I will always live with

remembering that you know.

I wish we’d never talked,

acknowledged that we cared

the blurry admissions leave me

gasping, choked and scared.

I wish we’d never spoken

for lingering in my mind

is my own agonizing truth

that all your words were lies.

I wish that I could tell you

all the self doubt you don’t see

I’m not good enough for you

because I’m not good enough for me

Enough

Pounding footsteps through

empty halls

where dreams go to die

and illusions melt

in acid promises.

Where hatred filled tears

hide under golden smiles

and broken hearts hide

behind boisterous laughter.

Every haunted fear

affirmed and

agonized yearning

pulled and snapped

like a puppet’s strings

at the hands of a master–

skilled beyond understanding.

Insecurities breathe down

the neck of the beast

that eats at the belief

in value beyond temporary

and agony filled breath

chokes the voice that continues

to say quietly

“One day I will be enough”

With flames that lick at my toes

and scar my skin,

with brimstone and burning

and breath that exhales in

pulses and gasps

With the stinging sensations

that course through bones,

and pounding rhythms of

a beating heart

do I remember why

I close my eyes

At the end of my fingers

Close enough to brush

But beyond my grasp

Lies the catching breath

that races the pulse and

stirs cravings.

Where emptiness and

fulfillment meet

butt heads and part,

where allowed and forbidden

wrap themselves in agony

live the tiny wonders

that others grow

but I will settle

for the grazing comforts